A role without tasks

What am I?

Interesting phone conversation between my Aunt, who works for Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) and a social worker. She needed the case worker to provide detail on her clients circumstances, to submit for a court case. Standard practice, though the standard practice of modern Social Services appears to be deflecting responsibility onto either CAB or the police. My aunt deals with many cases that end up in court, and liaising with social services is common, as they have to provide documented statements. here follows the surreal conversation, starting with my aunt …

“But we need your case report to take to court”
“I can’t do that”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but what is your function?”
“Oh, I am the registered case worker”
“For my client?”
“And what are you doing for my client?”
“I am their registered case worker from this council”
“And what do you do for people under your care?”
“…. I am the registered case worker”
“Can I ask if you are are qualified social worker”
“Oh yes, I have a qualification in social work”

At this point, my aunt put the phone down. From my own personal experience of social workers, there are a scary amount of naive youngsters in roles that demand maturity and experience. Very dangerous. They err on the side of doing nothing. Don’t believe the promotional posters of warm mature social workers – most social workers charged with looking after cases, are little more than children.

Who’d work in (anti-) social work?

Tumblr is finally coming of age – when t…

Tumblr is finally coming of age – when the web world went mad on aggregation, and web 2.0 sites took full advantage of using other peoples information, tumblr was already doing it for individuals. http://jaffamonkey.tumblr.com. It provides not only aggregation, but multitude of formats to present that information. I am not going to rewrite their blurb, as it seems pretty self-explanatory!

Tumblr lets you effortlessly share anything. Post text, photos, quotes, links, music, and videos, from your browser, phone, desktop, email, or wherever you happen to be. You can customize everything, from colors, to your theme’s HTML.

Agency speak (or when to put the phone down)

I saw your CV on [Jobserve/Jobsite/Monster/Linkedin etc] ….

I am bored, and trying to fill my day by searching cv’s, and contacting people in vague hope I will get a lead, or at the very least polish up my sales talk.

So what is [Enter technology/buzzword/acronym here] ….

I am too lazy to use google, and frankly have no expertise in area I am hiring for.   Hence why I try to pronounce SQL as “Squirrel” and  Agile as “Aggile”.

We have a number of roles we are recruiting for in [enter location/sector relevant to cv in front of agent]

We, along with every other agency, have a number of roles to fill at any one time, but we need some decent cv’s to get a look in.

Oh, I know a few people from people there – who did you work with?  Do you know [enter made-up name here]? No?  Then who did you work with down there?

I am not interested in finding you work, I just lied about the opportunity that was available.  I just want to get some easy access to people in your previous companies, and in doing so annoy your previous employers.

We will need a reference before we can put your forward for this [fantasy] position

As above …

We pay on monthly invoices and you will be paid within 1-2 weeks after that.

We dont have enough float to pay you in decent time frame, even though we are earning commission from you.   We have no hope of paying you on time, unless the company we are resourcing for pays us on time.

We don’t give out our commission rate

We take too much, and also ignorant of the law.

Chav on the go


Image taken from http://www.charvas.co.uk

One of the most annoying but comical mobile phone users, are the ones in queues, and the types that usually do not look like dynamic go-getters thatn need to be on the phone 24/7.   One experience with an annoying chav girl in a supermarket (i.e  cheap, overweight, arrogant and loud), having 3 successive conversations in a hyperactive voice, at the same time telling all these people that she couldnt talk as she was in supermarket queue,  and she would call from home.  She would then look around at us in the queue with a “life never stops” look, and expectantly waiting for us to comment.

After the third call, I suggested maybe she could have saved her self the stress, and called these people from home, she looked agitated, the chav brain going into metldown over a conundrum – how do I stop looking like a fool?  She resigned herself to giving me a dirty look that made her face look like a bulldog.  I cant be bothered to engage with these type of people anyway – stop pulling us into your squalid little lives!   Chav Nathan Barleys – the rise of the idots seems unstoppable.

Chav (pronounced /Tch’ave/) is a derogatory term applied to certain young people in the United Kingdom. The stereotypical “chav” is an aggressive teenager or young adult, who is usually particullary agressive. And who often engages in anti-social behaviour,[1] such as street drinking, drug abuse and rowdy behaviour. They are often assumed to be unemployed or in a low paid job.

Wikipedia entry

Douglas Adams on technology (1999)

I suppose earlier generations had to sit through all this huffing and puffing with the invention of television, the phone, cinema, radio, the car, the bicycle, printing, the wheel and so on, but you would think we would learn the way these things work, which is this:

1) everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal;

2) anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can make a career out of it;

3) anything that gets invented after you’re thirty is against the natural order of things and the beginning of the end of civilisation as we know it until it’s been around for about ten years when it gradually turns out to be alright really.

Apply this list to movies, rock music, word processors and mobile phones to work out how old you are.

DNA/How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Internet

la la lah lah lah

I have had a jingle going round my head the last few weeks, the result of being in front of the televisions a few times after 2am. “Lah lah lah, la la lah lah lah, la la lah lah lah, please text me .. Lah lah lah, la la lah lah lah, la la lah lah lah, i think i want to text”. It is hard to convey the fabulous tune that accompanies these lyrics in writing, but those who have seen the ad, will know it straightaway. I watch it, baffled on several levels –

  • One text costs £1.50, which would be a costly and frustrating way to converse (“stop waffling girl, you are chewing up my monthly Flext allowance!”)
  • The admittedly pretty girls somehow suggesting your text will be going to one of them (surely a little misleading)
  • The inanity of the advert – I guess it doesnt matter, it is imparting basic info – pretty girls, promise of sex, and the number to text drilled into your brain at every opportunity.

I think ads at this level have no subtly, so if you are hooked then you only hve yourself to blame when you cry into your mobile phone bill.    Onetext-dating  website even felt compelled to state “Real women reply to messages -not a computer”.  Well, thats a relief then.  What really interests my marketing head, is that even though I have no intention of using such a dodgy looking service, the ad has infected my brain better than any fucking bafta Guiness ad.  Go, go, cheesy cheap advertising!